As many of you know, I’ve been focused on writing my book this year rather than Substack articles. But in the wake of Charlie Kirk’s assassination last week, I feel compelled to say something. Two years ago, I published an article titled The United Stance arguing that improving our collective mental fitness as a nation relies on recognizing common values, being curious about different points of view, and bridging ideological divides through civil discourse. Now more than ever, that message is worth revisiting and expounding upon. Because we are becoming increasingly emotionally dysregulated as a country.1
Kirk's killing came one day before 9/11's anniversary, a stark reminder of how a horrific tragedy can either unite or divide us. In 2001, we chose the former option. Political affiliation took a back seat. We recognized ourselves first and foremost as Americans. We didn't care about party lines. We were nicer to one another because a real enemy was targeting us and what we stood for.
Twenty-four years later, many voices still fall in that camp. In the days following this most recent act of deadly violence, they are urging restraint, calling for everyone to turn down the temperature, and promoting togetherness.
Alternatively, some are stoking division and vilifying the “other side.” That kind of rhetoric has grown sharper and more poisonous in the last few decades. Many relentlessly demonize and blame an ominous, opposing “they” for just about everything: they are ruining our country, they are destroying our values, they are the enemy. But who is “they,” exactly? Usually, the implication is that it’s half of America, painted with one dark brush.
The people who propagate such a message do it because they derive enormous amounts of money and power from making their consumers angry and afraid. Modern-day politics and media profit by convincing us to despise one another with sweeping statements about everyone on either “the left” or “the right.” It gives us license to feel righteous and keeps us tuned in.
However, the problem in this country is not our neighbors who vote differently from us. I’m not a card-carrying member of either major political party. Yet I have many friends who are staunch Republicans and others who are way more liberal than I am. In fact, not a single person I know agrees with me on absolutely everything, including my closest family members. None of them are the evil monsters we’re told to fear. Americans are simply trying to do their best to live a happy life. Most are not criminals, nor are they tied to violent acts, just because of their political affiliation.
The real issue is the message of division itself. Of course, the ones behind it are citizens too, and under our system of government, they have every right to speak freely. The path forward isn’t to demonize the demonizers or try to silence them. And it’s certainly not to cause them physical harm. It’s for the rest of us to recognize our complicity in this process and avoid being part of it. It’s about doing the exact opposite of pointing fingers at others and instead taking a hard look at ourselves and what we can do better.
Part of being mentally fit is appropriately responding to our own anger and fear. These are natural human emotions, but left unchecked, they can consume us and severely distort how we see the world. If you find yourself constantly dialing into outrage TV, social media, or talk radio (what I collectively refer to as anger porn) to seek gratification and confirmation bias for how you feel, ask yourself honestly if you aren’t just indulging in emotional masturbation.
Breaking free from this cycle requires decisive action. Turn off the broadcast. Don’t share the clip. Stop electing leaders who thrive on division. Recognize that emotional dysregulation is driving our national conversation, and commit instead to having rational, civil discussions with those who may have differing viewpoints. We can still disagree and argue without denigrating and belittling one another. The goal isn’t to impose your will but to find common ground.
We refer to our nation as the “Union.” It’s a coming together of diverse ideas, backgrounds, and cultures to form one country under the motto E Pluribus Unum (one out of many). Yet, if we are honest, the state of it isn’t very good. Perfection isn’t attainable, but we can be a more perfect union than we’ve been as of late. We did it following 9/11.
When we talk about that day, we say “never forget.” Often, it means to remember the attack itself. But we should also truly never forget how we treated one another afterward. Perhaps the most fitting way to honor Charlie Kirk’s death, whether or not you agreed with his ideas, is to remember where unchecked anger and fear can lead, and never forget that we have the power to make different choices.
It’s not someone else’s job to fix things. It’s ours—all of us. That begins with internal work. Be aware of your emotions and build a healthy relationship with them. Pay attention to the message you are amplifying. Ask yourself if you’re part of the problem or the solution. You aren’t required to love or even like everyone. It doesn’t matter how you vote. Just don’t be a divider.
Mental fitness relies on the right viewpoint, the right emotion, and the right knowledge. Our nation desperately needs all three right now. The state of our Union, and each one of us, depends on it.
DISCLAIMER: RARE SENSE® content is not medical advice. Nor does it represent the official position or opinions of any other organization or person. If you require diagnosis or treatment for a mental or physical issue or illness, please seek it from a licensed professional.
Sam Harris also recently wrote an excellent article about this same topic.
I agree completely. The "my team/your team" mentality is at the crux here. "The real issue is division itself."