If you are going to combat storytelling, the obvious countermeasure is straightforward—change the story. More specifically, you need to revise, reinterpret, or overwrite it. Traditionally, this practice is referred to as “reframing.” Of course, that’s a lot easier said than done. But as with anything involving mind fitness, it starts with a realization that the job is yours alone. You are the author and the audience.
The critical component is making the new narrative come from a perspective of gratitude. You can be grateful for anything that’s happened to you, even the “worst moment of your life.” Become thankful for it. The world is rife with people who have turned tragic scenarios of enormous personal consequences into defining moments of positivity.
None of us can alter our past. Even if you could rewind the clock, the same scenario would unfold. So you might as well veil every memory with “I’m glad this occurred.” In my case, I started to view both my tactical error and the chronic mental and physical struggles I endured for over a decade as sources for incredible personal growth and wisdom. Now, I’m able to share those lessons with others. I’m happy I went through all of it. But that interpretation is a choice I had to make.
The trick is to start cultivating gratitude daily to make it a habit. You want it to become the way you automatically view things moving forward. This isn’t to say you can’t be disappointed about something. But you need to be able to learn and move on in short order instead of dwelling on a mistake, a stroke of bad luck, or worse. Here are some ways to do that.
Tactic 1 - Basic Journaling
The simplest practice I’ve found to become more grateful is through various forms of journaling. It’s the easiest technique to get your internal stories onto an external medium so you can better analyze and change them for the better. If you don’t usually journal, set aside ten to fifteen minutes daily and write something on paper. It doesn’t matter what it is. Just exercise the muscle of journaling itself at first. Here’s a training post with more detailed instructions that can help.
Tactic 2 - The Five Minute Journal
A starter kit I also found helpful was The Five Minute Journal. Each day is a page where you list things you are grateful for, what would make today great, and an affirmation in the morning. Then, in the evening, you write down highlights and lessons from the day. As the name suggests, it only takes five minutes. Even if you don’t use this specific product, the simple practice of detailing a few things to be grateful for in the morning and at night can help you start reframing anything from your past in a positive light.
Tactic 3 - Statement of Gratitude
Here’s an even simpler version. Come up with just one thing every morning. It needn’t be profound or complex. “I’m thankful to be alive” is fine. Use a Sharpie to write it on a sticky yellow note and place it somewhere you often see throughout the day. I usually hang it off the lower edge of my computer screen at work. Anytime your mind starts drifting to some past regret, failure, or otherwise destructive tale, become aware of it and replace it with this statement of gratitude. Say it out loud if needs be. You may have to do this repeatedly daily for weeks or months, but eventually, you can train your mind to default to gratefulness about your history versus other interpretations.
Tactic 4 - Combo Exercise
Then, start combining meditation and journaling. Spend ten minutes quietly becoming aware of your thoughts and some of the stories you tell yourself, and immediately jot down what you find. Next, come up with ways to counter anything destructive and repetitive. If you do this consistently, it can significantly improve the flavor of the narratives you cling to.
Tactic 5 - EMDR
RARE SENSE® is about self-empowerment, so I typically don’t recommend any therapeutic intervention. There’s nothing wrong with therapy. It’s just not the focus of this content. That said, I mentioned the success I found with Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) during my journey in Telling Stories. Those two treatments taught me that the story I was repeating to myself was a massive part of the problem. Since the practice is non-invasive and doesn’t involve putting anything in the body, it may be something you want to try. As always, I’m not a doctor, so please consult with a licensed professional first. I found it to be highly effective. However, I still recommend doing all the work above to build better mental habits.
The Minds of Others
Before closing, I need to discuss this concept briefly. Many of the tales we tell ourselves involve the perceived judgments of others. Put plainly, we worry about what people think of us, placing thoughts in their heads that become part of the narrative. Having our own opinion about the scenario in question isn’t enough. We must also include the presumed feelings of family members, friends, co-workers, or even strangers to round out the story.
That was certainly the case for me, and it makes perfect sense. Selective units like those in the special operations community greatly emphasize reputation. Because, more often than not, it’s accurate, and lives are at stake.
However, leaving reputation within a tightly knit community aside, people consistently inject the imagined beliefs of other humans into their daily lives. As social animals, we seek approval and recognition. We want other people to like us, regardless of who they are.
Because of this tendency, some messaging from influencers is often to the effect of “you can’t care what anyone else thinks about you.” While that’s good advice, it’s based on a false assumption. The reality is that no one is thinking about you. Most of the world doesn’t know you unless you are a worldwide megastar. The ones who do occasionally ponder your thoughts about them, but that’s about it. You mainly focus on yourself, and others fixate on themselves. In the remaining time, we only think about someone else to consider what they might be thinking about us in return.
When I was in the thick of my negative storytelling, I thought everyone judged me the same way I did. But that wasn’t true. They weren’t even telling a story about me. They didn’t care. They were too busy narrating their own stories. In all cases, there was only one main character and one person in the audience. It’s the same person—oneself. So, influencers should really say, “Stop worrying about what other people think of you because they don’t.”
No Past You
Lastly, as a matter of direct experience, there is no past you. You only exist right now. So, anything you’ve done is only perpetuated through the conscious interpretation of your memories. To the extent that you choose to engage in such an endeavor, it should only be to improve your life in the present—to elicit a lesson you are grateful to learn from. If you want to get out of the prison your stories have made of your mind, you must realize and accept that those walls are just made of words, and changing them is vital. If you inject meaning into a story about your past, make sure it’s helping you in the present. Because that’s the only time and place you are.
This is a necessary component of healing, especially if we’ve endured trauma that we continue to carry in the form of PTSD or otherwise. It doesn’t matter if you had a “Bill Buckner Moment” or something worse. Go from judgment to analysis. What exactly am I telling myself now? Does it serve me? How can I reframe it? Root for the Mets in your head if you must. It’s better than living in abject misery because of a story you refuse to change. You can reboot and rewrite it as many times as you want. Flip the script.
However, storytelling is only half of the equation when it comes to mental health and our past. As I’ve mentioned, in addition to this intellectual component of trauma, there’s an emotional one as well. As I learned, even when I changed some of my closely held stories, it didn’t rid me of the physical effects of these events that had built up in my body. We’ll get to that next.
DISCLAIMER: RARE SENSE® content is not medical advice. Nor does it represent the official position or opinions of any other organization or person. If you require diagnosis or treatment for a mental or physical issue or illness, please seek it from a licensed professional.
When I specifically asked the VA for EMDR after reading about the benefits, they balked and said they didn’t have any clinicians trained. And then cut my meds if I wouldn’t provide the name and phone number of my AA sponsor. I’m so grateful to have survived. And thrived. I was discharged for bone on bone L4-L5 S1. And a “therapist” in Huntsville Alabama cut my Gabapentin that was prescribed by my actual doctor in Germany after she CRIED seeing my MRI… because I refused. We’re a whole operating system capable of healing. Look in the mirror, nuggets. I promise.